8 plays
Also, for another post tonight.
This song pretty much sums everything up.
Everything in a hardcore, epic, song.
Midnight
1 AM
I’m wide awake, and can’t sleep.
Which doesn’t even come as a surprise anymore. Usually I just watch the hours pass by while listening to music on iTunes, or Last.fm (which I’ve recently become addicted to).
I’m working on my social skills.
Real life social skills, mind you.
Trying to make more friends, if all else fails, just get on a better social standard with people.
I’m too shy. I definitely don’t seem it online, in person is another story.
I think I’m going to go edit pictures.
Hmmm…..
Touché sir, Touché.
It’s one of those days.
No, weeks,rather. I’m doing everything in my power to make things work, but I can’t please anyone. I do one thing, someone gets mad. I don’t do something, someone else gets mad. I can’t please everyone, let alone anyone.
I’m being pulled in every direction, and I’m stressed, I’m not even sure how to deal with it anymore. I used to be able to handle ridiculous amounts of stress, but this, is far too much. I know there’s worse things, but everything has just packed on, higher and higher, creating an incredibly unstable tower of emotions waiting to crash down any moment. I’m attempting to hold it together, I really am.
Everyone I care about is in California. Well, California, and North Carolina. Haha
Currently, the only thing keeping my already disappearing sanity slightly stable, is the new Thrice album, ‘Beggars’. It’s seriously one of the most calming things ever, it’s been on repeat for quit a while.
Thought currently, ‘Animal Collective’ is blaring from my record player. Yes, record player. As in, vinyl. Noobs.
I haven’t written in a while, I just don’t feel inspired. “Write what you feel, write what you know” How can I, when I know nothing?
Can I write about not knowing anything? Or would that just be redundant?
I’ve been constantly surrounded by people so much, so many people. Everything seems to move in slow motion in front of me. I feel like I’m the only one that actually exists. I want to live this life, but it just seems like a giant dream.
It’s a funny thing imagining life being a dream, I often have feelings that I’m just in a lucid dream. Nothing’s real, I feel lightheaded as if I’ll wake up, but I don’t. Maybe I’m in a coma, and this isn’t really, real.
Here we go again, pressured to do something. I really don’t want to, but I really should. I don’t want to, mostly because I’m depressed.
Depression, is a overused phrase. 95% of the world is depressed, or so they say. The ‘diagnosed’ is probably different. But I think being diagnosed with ‘depression’ is bullshit. I think I can tell when I’m depressed, don’t you? Though the people who walk around going ” I’ve been so depressed lately”, annoy me to no end. No, you’re NOT depressed, you’re actually just bored with live, and upset about it, and sad. Depression is not wanting to move, talk, walk, breathe, do anything for that matter. Nothing matters, your existence doesn’t even matter, Everything’s fake, nothing’s real.
I know this all too well.
And here I go, falling into the guilt trip.
Being dragged by the collar of my shirt, out to eat.
I don’t want to, but I feel I must.
In conclusion:
I can count my enemies on a chalkboard, but I can count my friends on one hand.
